If you want the bittersweet summary of "why?", it's because I don't believe that I should have to categorize what I feel. I don't like being asked the question, "what are you?" Well, I'm human, firstly. I'm male, as well. I don't really have a racial identity, since my blood is mixed with a handful of nationalities. As far as what I am, in relation to religion? I can't answer that the way that you want me to. The best way for me to tell you, is that I have my own beliefs, and I don't really feel like sharing them with someone who categorizes faith into brand names.
Don't get me wrong, I am not some soulless individual who shies away from having a moral identity. I'm not a big fan of philosophy, but I respect it, and the lessons it can teach. I disagree with many teachings from religious individuals, but I don't shun them (unless they're Fred Phelps).
I once had a discussion with an old friend of mine about morals versus religion. I have always found it irritating that people associate good moral fortitude with religion, and at the time, I was passionate enough about the subject that it made me angry. Religion may define what is considered good and bad for the people who follow it, but I don't like the idea of someone believing that they have the power to tell me what is right and wrong.
This is the best definition for "moral", that I have been able to find:
"Founded on the fundamental principles of right conduct rather than on legalities, enactment, or custom: moral obligations."
While that's a bit of a textbook definition, perhaps a better way to describe the word, would be: the way that a human decides whether or not something emotionally feels right. As you can surmise, someone who thinks morally, would be the polar opposite of someone who thinks logically. A logical thinker is able to see a situation without any filter or flavoring, and can make a decision without subconsciously checking a moral code for the appropriate response.
Let it be said, that if I have only one good thing to say about myself, it's that I have no illusions as to who I am, and what made me into the person that I am today. I am not a logical thinker, and I highly envy those of my friends that are. If confronted with the lives of a mother and her child, I would not be able to choose which one would live, without consulting my emotional conscience. It is a burden to me, but I freely admit that I am a moral thinker.
I did not get my set of morals from a book, however. I got them from my family, friends, and sometimes even some of my school teachers. Although I may act as though I were Christian, or Buddhist, or otherwise, I don't follow their teachings. Most of what I have learned has come from my mother, my father, and both of their mothers (my grandmothers). I will not argue that what they taught me had its own influences, but it managed to get its way to me without coming from a congregation.
Do not misunderstand me, however, I will admit that certain people within religions are able to teach good habits to their listeners, whether with the aid of a book, or not. I almost want to say that if the Bible were written by Jesus himself, I would be a lot more inclined to read it. But it wasn't, unfortunately, and because of that, its messages are often twisted or misconstrued.
That is one reason why I do not call myself a Christian, or otherwise. It's because I do not wish to go into a room that is full of convinced people, and listen to someone explain their opinion on another person's opinion on another person's teachings, then feel guilty that I have not shared this perspective previously to that day. I harbor no ill will to the people who attend these meetings, but it isn't something that I want in my life.
Keep in mind that what I am about to write, is not intended to be insulting or offensive. I am describing myself to you, and I in no way believe that the way I live is the "right" way to live, or that I'm justified in describing the way that people are.
That being considered, another reason that I do not follow a religion, is because they appear to be self-defeating, to me. Guilt is enough of a punishment for not being a perfect person, so I feel like I shouldn't need to perform specific religious practices of atonement, or live my life according to someone else in order to feel like I'm being a good person. I don't need a spiritual reward to encourage me to follow my morals. Instead, I should try my best to follow the wisdom that I have gained from the people around me, and learn from my mistakes and from my misjudgments, then use that experience to strengthen my knowledge and turn my moral thinking into logical thinking.
I'm more than certain that I'd see a lot of hands raised, if I asked this next question to an open forum. How many of you know someone who identifies themselves as a Christian, but admits to performing at least one 'sin' on a daily basis? I know hundreds of these people, and I respect a good amount of them, but their situation confuses me. Why would you continue to identify with something that you repeatedly contradict, simply out of your own nature? For example, why would you tell me that you're a Christian, yet you regularly have sex with an unmarried partner? Following that, why would you then confess to me that you feel guilty that you are not following your religion's beliefs, then go and pray for forgiveness?
Why do you feel as though you need to repent for disobeying someone's teachings, that you "disobeyed" simply out of human behavior? These people owe nothing to anyone but themselves, and it pains me to think that they may not realize it. It seems like they are forever trapped in trying to attain an identity that isn't their own, and don't realize that it's futile. People can only be themselves, no matter how much they try to be like someone else.
I suppose that what I want my friends to understand from this (aside from getting a good look at my own narrow-minded psyche), is that I don't want to follow a religion because I don't want it to take away from who I am. I don't want to follow it, because I don't think it, as a brand name, could help be to be a better person. If you have advice you feel could help me, then tell me. Wisdom is as precious to me as life itself, and if there is something that I can learn from someone, be it a family member, friend, teacher, or otherwise, I'd rather have it fed to me raw, and unaltered. Without reservation. No hidden agendas. Void of subliminal opinion. You get the idea.
Anyway, that's enough of me rattling on for tonight. Thoughts, comments, feel free. My brain is yours to make fun of.
[Currently listening to: Oh, Sleeper - Son of the Morning]
